Marriage and Love are two of the most wonderful and surprising pieces of this life if you are able and/or want to have them. Growing up you hear and see many different ideals about the way those two things should be handled and manipulated in order to make them things that serve your own purpose. We have found that trying to make our marriage and love fit society's definitions of Love and Marriage just doesn't work for us.
We decided a long time ago, like before we were officially and item, that we wanted to let this relationship be real. Be true. No games. We decided that if we were going to try this thing out that we were both going to give it everything we had. Both of us had been in failed relationships that just seemed so wrong on many levels. So, when we met each other we were both in places that allowed us to be real with one another. SO glad about that.
Of course, as many know, this is the true beauty of relationships. To each his own. In my opinion, no truer words have been spoken about love- or anything for that matter. And while we live our love one way, that doesn't mean there aren't a million other ways to make it work. We have just found a rhythm that works for us.
As we grow in our love for each other, we find that there are so many more dimensions to love than either of us ever expected or even thought to think about. It's more than just that ga-ga, head over heals, can't get enough of you stuff. And thankfully it is! There are times when yes... I've had enough of him. Need room to breath. Think. Have time to myself. I can assure you- my hubby, how ever sweet he may be, at times feels the same. So, there must be more dimensions to fill in those gaps right? Let's hope so!
We have found that these other dimensions of love are those gap fillers. Maybe you one could argue that they are even more of a foundation of love. Because really, that ga-ga stuff is more like the icing on the cake to me now. When I was younger, all I dreamed about was those things... I had no idea how much I would come to appreciate and desire these other pieces of Love.
When I need me time, my sweet hubby is all to happy to oblige and lets me have it and vice versa.The same goes for supporting one another- even if that means temporarily or permanently putting your own desires on the back burner at times.
Then there is that "support clause" that some don't realize they agreed to on their wedding day... I swear it's snuck somewhere in between "I promise to love, cherish, (support your feelings, needs, desires,and give it my wholehearted- best try to make sure to help you achieve your dreams), and honor you". See it's there. I promise.
Often times, I hear people complaining about their spouses dreams, needs or wants. "Oh, he thinks he wants to go back to school". Then they just blow them off. Well, to us that is a part of the commitment. The commitment part is not just an "I'll love you and only you" commitment. It's so multi-dimensional! ( Okay, I know you get it) I hope and plan to spend the rest of my life doing my best to fulfill my true commitment to my husband.
That commitment is to Love him, honor him in all I do (take a second to think about that- cause it's a biggie!) , support his dreams and needs, offer guidance when needed, accept his help, work as a team, listen, speak, and be okay with asking him to return that commitment to me. It can be difficult as a military wife. We are apart quite often. So, if we fail to recognize, explore, and celebrate the different dimensions of our Love- then we will have failed each other. And that is not something I'm willing to do.
All of this has been weighing heavily on my mind lately. Commitment, sacrifice, supporting one another, etc. I truly feel like the past 9 years have been so crazy and wonderful all at the same time. However, the one thing that stays constant is my commitment to this love and this marriage. Every time I watch him walk away I thank the Lord for letting me experience those other pieces of Love so that I don't feel so lost when he leaves - because I have those things to fill in the gaps.
I'm excited to see it all grow and flourish, each day is a new one bringing us more gifts and enlightenment. These things are even more important now with the addition of our little boy. I hope and pray that I can teach him what it took me so long to figure out on my own.
When I started out this post, it was going in a complete different direction. I guess you go where ever you are moved to.. and thats the best place to be. Hopefully some of you that read this will understand what I meant with all this.
My question for you: Do you experience different dimensions of love in your marriage or relationship? How has being in a committed relationship met or not met your expectations?
Here's to a wonderful night's sleep (crossing my fingers)....
-M
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